Jesus, Matthew, and the Whale
Today exactly 1 year ago I had a 7cm x 7cm x 7cm oligodendroglioma tumour removed from my brain in the left frontal lobe.
It was found only 3 days before miraculously by an optometrist while I was having an eye test because I lost my glasses.
It was confirmed the day after by Dr Corrie Botha after seeing the MRI scan that I ended up having the same day I saw the optometrist.
That same day I saw Dr Botha and for the first time in my life I was admitted in hospital to have a brain tumour removed, and he scheduled it for 2 days later — the 10th of November 2017.
That was the day everything changed.
I experienced practically everyone I knew praying for me — all around the world.
My parents flew down and together with Helen and my pastors came every day to visit me in hospital until the surgery, and every day thereafter.
It was the most surreal experience of my life. And I experienced no pain whatsoever. Visiting the dentist was more painful than this.
To this day I hardly ever get headaches, and certainly have never experienced a migraine.
The prayers of the saints held me up, and Jesus was there the whole time while I was “in the whale”, guiding the surgeon’s hand and the nurses and doctors while I was in recovery in the ICU and then the general ward.
Which is unfair I know compared to how it could have been.
Certainly my dear sister Melly, who also had a brain tumour, and later a recurrence that couldn’t be beaten, she suffered way more than I did.
Even my chemo was easier than hers — because my tumour is slow growing and doesn’t usually require chemo as heavy as the one Melly had and mine were pills but hers was an IV drip.
I also have not had radiation, something I know Melly really didn’t want to have and in the end was forced to have. So many things she was forced to do in treatment — its not fair that mine has been so comparatively better.
I don’t know why it had to be like this, I don’t know why my cancer is “nicer” than hers, why my body lives and hers died.
These are some of the things that we will not understand on this earth, things that the following scriptures comforts us that God does know better even when we don’t understand:
‘“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord .
“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.
As the rain and the snow come down from heaven,
and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field will clap their hands. Instead of the thornbush will grow the juniper, and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the Lord ’s renown, for an everlasting sign, that will endure forever.”’
Isaiah 55:8–13 NIV
As I write this I am listening to Apple Music on random, and the song “Immortality” started playing by Celine Dion and the Bee Gees. Interestingly the Bee Gees are from where my ancestors are from — the Isle of Man.
In the song it says “We don’t say good bye” over and over and over.
I know when that day comes I will see Melly again, and I know that if my cancer comes back and I too loose the fight I will not say good bye to you all, for:
“ ‘Just as people are destined to die once, and after that to face judgment,
so Christ was sacrificed once to take away the sins of many;
and he will appear a second time, not to bear sin,
but to bring salvation to those who are waiting for him.’ “
Hebrews 9:27–28 NIV
So I will be waiting, and it will be joyous in that day:
‘Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth,”
for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away,
and there was no longer any sea.
I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband.
And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them.
They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God.
‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes.
There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”
He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!”
Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”
He said to me: “It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End.
To the thirsty I will give water without cost from the spring of the water of life.
Those who are victorious will inherit all this, and I will be their God and they will be my children. ‘“
Revelation 21:1–7 NIV
It is such and unfair gift salvation, and I think that’s why all the generations since Jesus came to now struggle to understand it.
“It can’t be true — you can’t just have to believe!”
“Its soo easy!”
“You must do this 100 prayers a day! You must be whipped! You must walk over coals! You have to sacrifice something for what you’re getting!”
But all these excuses are madness! Haven’t they read scripture!
When I think of these excuses I think of Jesus yelling at the pharisees because they were only interested in tradition — pleasing people not pleasing God.
They were obsessed with the visible signs of religion — doing good works in public, wearing the best robes, and having the people go to them cower when they did something wrong.
They loved celebrity and power and control — not God.
All of this irrelevant — it is not what we are put on this earth for, and it is certainly not the way to salvation for there is nothing we could do to pay for our sins.
It was only what Jesus could sacrifice that pays for our sins:
“‘For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son,
that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.
Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already
because they have not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son. ‘
John 3:16–18 NIV
“
and
“‘For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith — and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God — not by works, so that no one can boast. ‘
Ephesians 2:8–9 NIV
“
In the words of Bugs Bunny “That’s all folks”
This is what mankind has struggled to accept for almost 2018 years!
But it’s there in black in white if you actually read and listen to the scriptures, instead of just worrying about tradition and religious rites.
In movies and TV shows the people always go to a chapel or church to pray. Do they not know that the curtain was torn!
God does not dwell in the temple in Jerusalem anymore, nor does he dwell in our church buildings, he dwells in our hearts through the Holy Spirit:
“‘Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in your midst? ‘
1 Corinthians 3:16 NIV
That is not to say we shouldn’t gather together as churches, it’s just that the building is not the church — the believers are the church!
We should indeed gather together as the church in a building:
“‘And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds,
not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing,
but encouraging one another — and all the more as you see the Day approaching. ‘
Hebrews 10:24–25 NIV
“
It is not the building that is reverent — it is God that is, and meeting together we are revering Him not the building, and honouring His word by doing so.
And now about purpose.
When you find out you have cancer you immediately wonder about your purpose.
I thought “If I don’t make it through this surgery — what a waste! Why have I wasted my life ?!”
Then you make it through and you wonder if you will make it through the recovery,
and then after that will you make it through the chemo,
and after that will the cancer come back ?
For along while after the surgery I woke up every morning and thought “Dead man walking”.
Remember that movie ? The jailers used to say that when ever one of the prisoners were on death row where walking somewhere in the jail — just to remind them their days are numbered.
Harsh, but true, and true for me too.
But, technically I was already a dead man walking before the tumour was discovered, and in fact when we first met with my neurosurgeon, which is when he told us I had this massive tumour, I remember the fear in his eyes. I have never met with a doctor who showed fear about the thing that he was telling me.
In fact the last operation I had was when I was 4 and had my tonciles out — and I barely remember that.
Dr Botha said that 95% of people with the type of tumour I have are found through seizures — the seizures make their doctors refer them for MRI’s and then the tumour is found.
But I was one the 5% — I had no seizures that I know of, and while I had personality changes and other related stuff my wife just thought it was stress from my IT work.
He said that other the 5% are usually found out when one morning they don’t wake up — the tumour gets too big and they die in their sleep.
He said I was dangerously close to that point — in fact he was incredulous that I was still alive.
Thats why he admitted the same day, to give me cortisone leading up to the surgery two days later to reduce the swelling in my brain to make sure I made it to Friday’s surgery.
So for 10 years I was already “Dead man walking” — I just didn’t know it yet.
In the recovery in hospital I did a lot of thinking and reading scripture, and this scripture summed up how I felt about it:
“‘If we live, we live for the Lord; and if we die, we die for the Lord.
So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord.
For this very reason, Christ died and returned to life so that he might be the Lord of both the dead and the living. ‘
Romans 14:8–9 NIV”
And also this one:
“‘For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. ‘
Philippians 1:21 NIV”
I found out very recently, after much confusion with scans done here in SA and one done in Australia when were we recently there visiting family,
that there is still tumour in my brain.
Dr Botha believes its residual tumour not new regrowth.
The original tumour was so big and distorting the brain so much that it was very difficult to get it all out with 100% certainty. So only after all the swelling was down after the surgery, and the brains midline had returned to normal, could we see there was something suspicious on the MRI.
The residual tumour is 2.5cm x 2.6cm x 2.7cm and was confirmed by having what’s called an MRS scan.
It still uses the MRI machine, but they do something extra special with it to determine the makeup of the unclear part on the MRI scan to determine what makes up the substance there — and it confirmed its cancer.
So I have to have another craniotomy to get it out — only this time I can choose when because it’s not life threatening yet as far as they can make out.
So now I have to stand again on my faith, and trust I will make it out the other side of another craniotomy, and recovery, and that I will still be able to work etc after this one.
There is a lovely scripture that describes what we are to do with trials:
“‘’Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,
because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.
Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. ‘
James 1:2–4 NIV”
Pure joy. Wow that’s a tough one.
But it’s been proved true.
My wife and I are happier together than we’ve ever been I our almost 14 years of marriage, and that’s after a year of more challenges than we’ve ever had to face together before.
And now another trial — so more perseverance.
I have started this blog as I don’t want to put my light under a bushel any longer as the scripture says — if there is anything getting cancer cures you of is fear of man.
For our purpose according scripture is :
Purpose Number 1:
‘Jesus replied: “ ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. ‘
Matthew 22:37–38"
The first of the 10 commandants — given directly to Moses by God, and repeated by Jesus in the gospels.
Purpose Number 2:
‘And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’
All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” ‘
Matthew 22:39–40 NIV
So 1 and 2 are linked — and all the law and prophets too — in other words the whole bible!
Purpose Number 3:
‘Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.
Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,
and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you.
And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”’
Matthew 28:18–20 NIV
This is the “Great Commission” and was given to us by Jesus directly.
After loving God, and loving others as we love ourselves, this is next in order and importantance — and indeed we cannot do this without the other two.
Indeed this is why so many Christians fail at the great commission as they don’t recognise you cannot do this without 1 and 2!
And in-fact you can’t do 1 and 2 without 3 either because to love God we need to do what He commands.
And 2 is also impossible without 1 and 3 because then you’re doing it for the wrong reasons, and without his Spirit.
1, 2, and 3 could be enough, but no there is more, as we need to get a bit more practical to how we express this.
Purpose Number 4:
“‘But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession,
that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.
Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy. ‘
1 Peter 2:9–10"
So we are to praise Him — and while we do this when we gather with the church, it can’t just be then, we must praise Him every day.
In the car, in the shower, as a family, whenever and wherever you can.
David was God’s most beloved King of Isreal for this very reason — he loved worshipping God and wrote almost the entire book of Psalms in doing so.
To this day a lot of worship songs are based on Psalms — God’s purpose continues even after David’s body is dead.
Purpose Number 5:
“‘Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails. ‘
Proverbs 19:21 NIV”
So do what God wants you to do, not what you want to do, as what you want (unless it is what He wants)
will just be like the Israelites wondering the desert for 40 years, not listening to God, and so not getting to where He was leading them.
Purpose Number 6:
“‘For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. ‘
Ephesians 2:10 NIV”
So God has a plan for your life, scripture says it above unequivocally. And it is to do good works.
What is good ? Scripture says that only God is good, and that:
“‘For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son,
that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.
Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already
because they have not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son. ‘
John 3:16–18 NIV
So we are too love others as he as loved us, to lay down our lives for them, which is the second commandment. That is good work.
So here I’m going to end this the first post of my blog.
I will write another post soon, God willing when I wake up from my 2nd craniotomy to tell you how it went.
Thank you for all the prayers and support again, and I pray this for all of you:
“‘“ ‘ “The Lord bless you and keep you;
the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you;
the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.” ’ ‘
Numbers 6:24–26 NIV
Amen
Matt
