On my 3rd Birthday: Faith, Hope, and Love

Faith

3 years ago today I was rolled into surgery to have a massive 7cm cubed brain tumour removed. It had only been found, through what can only be described as a miracle, the 2 days before.

In one moment my life was turned upside down, and I was 100% at the mercy of the Lord.

The surgery was long, it is the first time I had surgery since I had my tonsils removed when I was 4 years old.

After 8 hours they were done, and because I had bleed heavily in the surgery my neurosurgeon chose to keep me sedated and on the ventilator for 5 days thereafter.

When they finally brought me to, everyone was happy I was seemingly fine. I could talk, and apart from sometimes struggling to find the right words, I seemed to be the same.

I could not walk though, because my muscles had atrophied from the 5 days being sedated. So I had to start physio, initially just lifting up my arms, then my legs, all on the bed.

when they were finally strong enough, i had to stand up next to the bed, just for a minute. Then longer. Then to walk to a chair they had brought in, and after i had done that for a few sessions then I had to walk across the curtained off “room” where my bed was in the ICU.

Then after I had done that a few sessions I had to try walk outside of the curtains and round the nurses station that was in the centre of the ICU like a mothership.

I didn’t get very far the first time. After a number of times I got further and further around the mothership until eventually I was able to do the complete circumference. After I had done that a few times, then my neurosurgeon said it was time I moved to the normal ward.

This whole time though I had very little sleep, because of the morphine from the surgery and sedation thereafter, i simply could no close my eyes without seeing literal terrors before me. Apparently some people have that reaction to morphine, and wasn’t for another 1 and a half that I could actually sleep through the night.

Eventually there was a bed available in the normal ward, and I was moved, which was like moving from business class to economy on a plane. The coffee was down a grade, the nurses checked in on me less frequently, and I had to hand bath my self as there was only a bath in the rooms bathroom and I was not stable or strong enough to get in and out of it.

I then had to start walking around the wards, slowly trying to increase the distance. Where we lived had stairs, so the physio also had to teach me to climb stairs. because of the muscle atrophy this was nessisary and difficult. First day I only managed 2 stairs, and the next 3 and so on until i could eventually get up the whole flight.

Then i had to learn to go down without falling over.

Then I got a UTI because of how long I was in the ICU with the catheter. Everyone had to wear masks and hospital gowns who visited me, and it was basically like I was in quarantine because it was some strange strain that was difficult to eradicate.

Eventually, after 3 weeks I was realised from hospital when I was infection free, and had shown I could walk all the way around the hospital and to the front door.

My parents had flown down before I had the surgery, and they and my wife Helen visited me every day, whether I was conscious or not.

My pastors Werner and Rob visited me as well at least once a day, and my church prayed for me constantly as well.

I got to speak to my sister in the UK and my brother in Durban almost daily via Whatsapp call.

My friends messaged me on Whatsapp as well alot, which I only got to see once I was out of the ICU as wireless devices are not allowed there because of the equipment.

And all the while the enemy was attacking, trying to convince me all was lost. To give up, that the inevitability was death so why even try.

So I had to cling to my faith, to Jesus, knowing He would never leave me or forsake me, as is promised in His word.

‘ “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God ; believe also in me. ‘

John 14:1 https://my.bible.com/bible/111/JHN.14.1

Hope

Once I got home the next battle began.

I was consulting when we found the tumour, so i had no monthly salary, I only got paid for the hours I worked.

There was a new contract I had found and agreed to do just before we found the tumour, so while I had to delay that a little at least that provision was waiting.

However the whole time I was in hospital I wasn’t working so therefore there was no money. Thankfully a family member helped to cover things like rent and medical aid and food etc until I could start that contract.

I also started working again on the consulting client I had before we found the tumour, and they were kind enough to let me bill more frequently so we could get much needed money in.

We weren’t paying all our bills at all, but we had a house over our heads, food, and medical aid which was all we actually needed.

The Lord provided, He remained faithful.

Chemo started, which thankfully was oral not drip so I could just take it every day before bed, 5 days a month for 6 months.

I managed to start the contract, and every day while a battle but I held on to the hope that the Lord was using this for good, as He promised in scripture.

‘For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord , “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. ‘

Jeremiah 29:11–13 https://my.bible.com/bible/111/JER.29.11-13

God then awoke in me a desire to do something that He had put on my heart a long time ago, and so I made plans to do start doing it.

Love

My wife loved me everyday and pushing on and doing what needed to be done, despite everything that was going on and had happened.

My pastors and church prayed and showed brotherly love to me constantly, sending messages, and embracing us when we were able to return.

My mom and dad were always there, speaking to us daily and encouraging us.

When the cancer came back, and I had an another craniotomy, the same happened, everyone rallied round.

The pathologist in the surgery took a sample first said it was scar tissue — everyone rejoiced.

I recovered quicker this time because he didn’t do any actual cutting of brain tissue.

A friend got me contracting work, which I am so grateful for, and it was through this work that the Lord provided for us through most of last year, and most of this year.

Then at my next scan we saw it had spread — the pathologist was wrong.

So then I had what was the only thing I never wanted to have: radiation. Because the cancer had spread outside of the original site my neurosurgeon said there was no point to have another surgery.

My type of tumour was diffuse, so therefore it would be impossible for him to get it all out, so therefore surgery was pointless.

So I did the radiation, 40 treatments, and while it knocked my immune system a bit at the time, there were no other adverse side effects.

The Lord remained with us, and towards the end of the treatments our church held a conference called Equip, which we had hosted the last 2 years as well.

On the Friday night, some of the pastors were praying for me, and two people — one who knew me and one who didn’t both saw a glowing fire on my head while I was being prayed for.

They both looked at each other and said “Do you see that”.

And that was the moment that I was healed.

I had a MRI scan on Monday and it showed that the tumour at shrunken substantially, something which greatly confused my oncologist because all our human science says is that during radiation the tumour normally appears bigger because of the attacks it gets from the radiation.

My next scan was stable, and my one in March was stable, and my one last week now was stable too.

‘Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways submit to him,

and he will make your paths straight. ‘

Proverbs 3:5–6 https://my.bible.com/bible/111/PRO.3.5-6

So we are embarking on a journey of faith, and every day is like we are walking on water, but we know Jesus is with us, and we can do all things through Him who strengthens us.

In purpose we strive forward, forgetting what is behind, and looking to what is ahead, for this is what we were created for.

‘But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.’

Matthew 6:33–34 https://my.bible.com/bible/111/MAT.6.33-34

‘The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you;

he will never leave you nor forsake you.

Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” ‘

Deuteronomy 31:8 https://my.bible.com/bible/111/DEU.31.8

‘For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror;

then we shall see face to face.

Now I know in part;

then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.’

1 Corinthians 13:12–13 https://my.bible.com/bible/111/1CO.13.12-13

In the name of the Father, the Son Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit, I implore you: turn to Jesus and put your faith in Him and your burdens on Him. For is Jesus is strong, mighty, ever faithful, and full of love.

Amen